As I write this to you, I am a little upset. In fact, I am a whole lot upset if I am being honest. I’m sitting here, in tears as another day draws to a close. A day full of hitting, kicking, head butting and screaming. A day of frustration, sadness and tears. A day of constantly wondering what I am doing wrong and what I can do differently so that the aggression will stop. Is it my fault? Maybe this is something I deserve. Apparently victims of physical abuse can often blame themselves. This is a little different though. I don’t consider myself a victim of physical abuse. It’s hard to put that label on it when the abuser is a child.

Some people say that if you don’t like your job, you should simply quit. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. There is a certain truth to that to be fair. My job is not what I signed up for though, and I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.
I never thought that there would be an expectation on me to be a psychologist, an occupational therapist, a speech and language therapist, a dietician and a carer. But I try, every day with zero professional support to do all of this. We have some amazing laws and statutory entitlements in Ireland – they are designed as you know to help people in my situation access these types of supports. However, there seems to be a major issue in implementing these supports due to budget, cutbacks etc. But this makes no sense to me when you & your colleagues can take 12 weeks paid holidays a year. We can’t really afford to take a holiday like you, as we reserve that money for the many private therapies we must access. Especially when we will have to wait up to 2 years to see a therapist of any sort from your adminsitration.

Congratulations on your recent wedding . My apologies for not opening this letter with my sentiments but I was still wiping tears as I began to write. It looked like such a lovely occassion! I love weddings. We don’t get to go to many these days as not very many people can babysit for our family given the additional needs in our house. I know kids can go to some weddings too but that’s not an option either. A lot of the time, we are very restricted in where we can go. We can’t go to events as they are too overwhelming. New places are the same. Places with water are too dangerous. Anything near traffic is the same. I have to admit, most of my days are spent trapped at home – aside from the 5 playgrounds that I know are safe for us. Home is a sanctuary too though – nobody can stare at us as my child is making weird noises, flapping his hands or worse having a meltdown. And I can at least get upset in private when I am at home.

So maybe you are reading this on your holidays somewhere and thinking why on earth did this woman write this and send to me? Well, I am worried about my health. And the health of my son. And of my daughter, my husband and unborn child. My family. And I thought you are the best person to speak to. Not only because you are the Minister for Health but also because your family too is affected by Autism. You have seen it. You know how it can affect a child, and all those close to that child. And you also know how, with the right help, a person with Autism can achieve so much – just like your brother. Yet, you leave so many of us to deal with this on our own.

You ignore us.
You make false promises.
You lie.
You take a big salary while Carers struggle to make ends meet.
You stand by and watch parents who are unable to secure a place in school for their kids.

Sometimes, my days can really be a struggle. I feel like I just cant do this anymore. But no matter how many times I fail my son by not understanding him, no matter how many times he lashes out and I cry, no matter how many days I feel guilty for not being able to give him a normal life like other kids…..I can go to sleep at night, every night and know that I have tried my heart out to help him. I do everything I can for him.

Simon, can you say the same?

My guess is that you will never read this, and this will be yet another cry for help falling on deaf ears.

Enjoy the rest of your summer holidays. Maybe we will speak again the next time there is an election and you need my vote.

Kind regards,
Trish.